Out There: The Endurance Athlete’s Guide To Normal Life

Susan Lacke bridges the communication gap between endurance athletes and everybody else.

Written by: Susan Lacke

Though you’re both using the English language, sometimes you may have a conversation with a friend or colleague which leaves you scratching your head. As you struggle to comprehend their weekend plans, you wonder – Is it possible you came from entirely different planets?

If you engage in dialogue with those who don’t eat, drink and sleep the swim, bike, and run (I know, the image made me shudder, too!), here’s a handy glossary to use when communicating with the non-endurance athlete:

BRUNCH: A late-morning/early-afternoon meal for people who do not engage in long rides/runs on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Food consumed usually is served in solid form, and not measured in carbohydrate-to-protein ratio.

SLEEPING IN: The act of remaining in a state of slumber past sunrise. On weekends, often followed by “Brunch” (see above).

BONK: A non-endurance slang term for sexual relations. Not to be confused with the endurance term “bonk,” referring to a depletion of glycogen stores. Use of the word “bonk” around non-endurance people will usually result in fits of childish giggles.

PANTS: Clothing items which begin at the wearer’s waist and extend past knees. Typically are not skin-tight and do not contain moisture-wicking properties, built-in underwear, or reflective piping.

BUTTONS: Items used to secure waistband of “pants” (see above), as “pants” typically do not have an elastic waistband and/or drawstring closure.

VACATION: Travel to a destination for the purpose of relaxation. Travelers do not engage in racing activities, nor do they return home with a bib number and/or finisher’s medal.

LAYING OUT: The act of remaining horizontal and prone near (but not in) a body of water which does not contain lane markers. Sometimes occurs on “vacation” (see above).

BOOKS: Text materials consumed in a state of relaxation by the non-endurance person for entertainment and/or enlightenment. Not to be confused with the endurance use of the term “book,” which refers to materials read on the treadmill, such as nutritional guides, training plans, or anything authored by Lance Armstrong.

HAPPY HOUR: A gathering of non-endurance people during evening workout hours, in which beverages are consumed without the use of squeeze bottles. Excessive consumption of happy hour beverages may or may not lead to a “bonk” (the naughty kind, not the running kind).

LATE NIGHT TV: Television programming taking place after the requisite 9 PM bedtime. Many non-endurance people find this highly entertaining, and may attempt to discuss the previous night’s programming with you the next day. When this occurs, smile and nod.

If you have any other terms which need to be added to the glossary, let me know. Together, we can bridge the communication gap.

See you Out There!